Loyal? Or Royal?

By: Mashable 

May 1584. Late Thursday evening, The Queen and Sir Francis Drake were seen canoodling in the Her Royal Majesty’s highly controversial chambers, allowing for an uproar about whether the monarch may finally have a successor. With Queen Elizabeth found in her private chambers joined by yet another servant of the realm ravaging her crown jewels, the public continues to question the Queen’s ability to uphold her role and truly commit to her royal duties. Upon closer inspection, Her Majesty’s chambers showed to hold a type of large device with what appeared to be a wooden contraption, along with both handcuffs and chains, featuring a whip on the sides.

The Queen’s tastes have always been very particular, but her hunger for more riveting methods of pleasure grows as she ages. Having relations with her half sister, Lady Catherine Carey, the Queen’s scandalous past has shown more than enough motive to commit such heinous, sadistic acts. When confronted by this Mashable reporter as to whom she was “actually having an affair with,” the Queen dodged the previous scandals around her:

“Well, you know, officially Sir Francis Drake, but I’m entertaining Robert Dudley. He’s the side chick. I’ve made him Lord of Ireland.”

The incestual lesbian affair caused an uproar in 1578 and led to the demise of Her Majesty, spurring her unholy reputation. Sources say the affair with Sir Francis Drake has been going on for quite some time now. Through her manipulation of the royals with the use of her forbidden gems, the Queen has often been seen in the eye of the public as a feline-like figure, scratching and clawing her way into the hearts -- and loins -- of other monarchs.